At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
