Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
