It's Friday. Sex?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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