so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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