My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
