So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
