I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
