Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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