I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
