i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
