and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
