Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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