Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
