I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
