so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
