Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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