my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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