A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
