And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
