I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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