he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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