she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
