someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
