I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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