i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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