its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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