he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
