You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i think i have two assholes
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
