I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
