i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
