Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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