He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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