Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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