My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
