I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I checked into jail on foursquare
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
