there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
