Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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