No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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