All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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