I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
