Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Enjoy the penises
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
