R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
