Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
