we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Randomize