Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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