The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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