cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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