I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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