hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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