He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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