from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
