saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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