I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
