Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize