The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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