OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
