i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
