Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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