like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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