Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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