why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
