47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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