i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
