oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
