HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my shit smells like andre
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
