Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Randomize
