I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
