i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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