last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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