I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
No stitches, just platelets and will power
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize