I think I won the penis lottery.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
