yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
